It's interesting to meet other people with peanut allergies. Some people have a much more mild allergy than me, some are even more severe than my allergy. You might think that a shared allergy would create a little bond between two peanut-hating comrades, but this is not always the case. I remember a couple of people my age in school as a youngin' who had a peanut allergy like me. Now that I'm older, I'm meeting a lot of people who have kids with peanut allergies. It amazes me still that they can't seem to take my advice on how to deal with the allergies, even though I have survived to be almost 26 years old now. I'm not at all insinuating that my advice is perfect, and should be used on every single person with a peanut allergy. However, I am stating that the general response for when there's peanuty things around has been mastered. Not only by me, but by others like me.
What I really see with these new peanut-allergy moms, is that they hover over their kids incessantly. They show up to every school activity, they keep an EpiPen on their person at all times, they check all of their kids food before allowing them to consume it, they demand separate tables to sit at, etc. etc. etc. None of these things are bad, but when combined and used excessively, we have a very obsessed parent.
I grew up at the end of the age where kids were free to play outside, and we came running home for dinner at the sound of my dad's suuuuuper loud whistle. An age where cell phones were those bricks that adults carried around in case of emergency only. Now we have entered the technology age. Kids play video games inside all day, parents text them to tell them to come to dinner. Millennials are becoming parents, and lets face it, we have our own set of self-entitlement caused problems. There's never been a generation quite like ours before. So much validation is needed, some would say coddling. In what appears to be an ever increasingly dangerous world, parents may feel it necessary to hover more. We can discus that later. My point here is that kids with peanut allergies now, do not know how to independently navigate their way through the world of food.
Case Study #1, Jane Smith and her son Freddy (*names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved). Jane stopped taking her children out to eat at any Asian restaurant. She checked every single piece of candy before it went in the bucket while trick-or-treating. If the candy was so much as in a shared bucket with other peanut candies, it was not allowed in Freddy's bag. Even though each piece was individually wrapped... She even went so far as to believe the message on the back of candy bars (you know, "this product was manufactured in a plant where peanuts are also processed") was not a possibility, but a probability. No more candy for Freddy. I can't imagine how exhausting her life must be. Thanks to Freddy, none of the other children in the family ever got to go out to eat either. Nor could they enjoy candy as often (again, we can debate if that's a good or bad thing later). Taking her kids to church often induced panic attacks because teachers sometimes hand out snacks during Sunday School. Snacks that *might* have peanuts. Freddy was not allowed to eat at anyone else's house. She was about to put her son through a series of very expensive allergy shots to diminish the allergy so he wouldn't die if he accidentally ate a peanut. Spoiler Alert: Freddy was found about a year later to NOT have a peanut allergy, or even sensitivity. Hooray for Freddy!
My mother was the one who tried to befriend Jane and help her see how to deal with the allergies. Her advice fell on deaf ears. It was almost as if Jane had Munchausen Syndrome. She would fight with my mom about almost everything. At one point she even asked my mom that if it might save my life one day, wouldn't she want to give me the set of very expensive allergy shots? While she made it sound like she was the sane one, my mother understood that the pro's and con's weighed differently for me than for her child. Some children will greatly benefit from said shots, as it might just save their life one day if their allergies are really severe. However, by the time they were developed, I was well into my teen years and had learned how to manage my allergy myself. We were tight on money and I didn't feel the need to fork over a couple thousand dollars just to decrease my sensitivity to something I'd still be allergic to. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the shots are not a cure for the allergy. Sadly.
I have happy memories of being able to trick-or-treat without my parent hovering over me at each door, checking the candy. My secret: Get home and dump out the candy buckets then trade with my siblings. If I had a PB candy they realllllly liked, I could usually bargain and get 2 pieces of candy in exchange. It was a great system, and allowed my siblings to learn what was safe for me and be involved in helping me with my allergies. Each of my siblings knows exactly what to do in case of allergy attack. They know the labels, and can probably list off every candy that I can't eat without thinking twice.
Case Study #2, Sarah Johnson and her son Joey. Sarah is the mother who goes to every school function with her child. Perhaps she's just an overzealous PTA mom? Nope, she's just overprotective. She got her son a medical ID bracelet, but upon realizing that most people don't read those before giving someone some food, she decided to stick with her kid so she could tell people about his allergy. Sarah was actually really good at understanding cross-contamination of things like candy bars is rare, although I'm sure it still made her nervous. It's the homemade food that'll getcha (It's mostly what got me). At one point she even asked for advice on what to do via facebook, but shrugged off my comments as "funny." I'm like, whaaaa? Girl, I've been living with this for 26 years. Because I found out about my allergy at 18 months old, you could make the case that I've lived with it for 24 years, but either way it's over 2 decades of experience. You asked for advice, I'm giving you my FIRSTHAND experience, and I and my mom are "funny"?? Really? My mother never had to come to every single school function just out of fear that I might get into something dangerous, because she knew what would best alert people to my allergy, without having to stand behind me and check all of my food. Of course she also had my my teachers in on it, too. They all knew to keep an extra eye on me and check snacks. It's a group effort. No one can be supermom.
While everyone has different reactions to allergens and medications, the allergy victims like myself have figured out what works best for us, and are always happy to lend a helping hand, good advice, or an ear for venting. Because lets face it, if you or your child was recently diagnosed with a severe allergy, there's a lot to think about, and that can be stressful. While you can certainly try substitutions (almond butter, sun butter, etc.) I won't eat them, I think they're disgusting. My mom never banned PB from the house, she just made sure my siblings didn't eat it too close to me, and that they washed their hands well before doing anything else. Why make them suffer? They like peanut butter! When I would leave to a friends house, they would sometimes beg my mom to make a batch of PB cookies. She would oblige, but only if they promised to help clean up. It was a win-win. I was at a friends house having fun, they got to eat PB cookies, and my mom had a really clean kitchen afterwards every time. We're talking counters washed with soap and water, dishes scrubbed out and done, nothing left that could cross-contaminate to my food.
At one point while working for my sister at her Ice Cream shop, a new employee was hired who was at the time in EMT school. We had peanut infested mix in items (butterfinger, peanuts, chopped snickers bars, etc.) and this sweet kid took the time to educate my sister about the dangers of peanut cross-contamination. He also stated that if someone had an allergy attack while he was working, he would know just what to do. What he didn't know was that Rachel had 2 decades of peanut safety practice before opening shop. She was sweet and thanked him for his concern and ability to help.
It is funny to watch people who don't have to think about allergies normally when they get around me. Suddenly, everything seems dangerous. Most don't realize just how easy it is to cross contaminate until I tell them "I can't eat that - someone picked it up after grabbing a peanut butter bar." Then they go into a frenzy! It's kind of funny, but I never laugh at them. I know it's stressful when you start to really take notice of those types of things.
Let me tell you what I do. Yes, I have an epi-pen. I ALWAYS take it whenever I travel. I typically keep one in my purse, although there have been times where I've forgotten to transfer it over when I change purses. The one thing I never forget though, is children's chewable Benadryl. The liquid would work great, too, but it is much harder to transport. I have Benadryl stashed in my work bag, my nightstand, our regular medicine box, and each of my purses and backpacks. It has literally saved my life on more than one occasion. Thanks to Benadryl, I've never had to use my EpiPen because I've always been able to get to the hospital. When I was younger, I wore a big yellow button to school every day with bold brown lettering that said, "I am SEVERELY allergic to PEANUTS and ALL peanut products." I wore it every day in Kindergarten and I think through first grade, too. From 2nd grade to 6th grade, I wore it each day for the first week of school. My teachers all knew me. The lunch ladies all knew me, there was an EpiPen in the school nurses office (before they disbanded school nurses to make it a "district nurse"), and I did pretty well. Only three times in my years of K-12 did I ever have a reaction. One of those times was an environmental reaction (aka a "dust" allergy, the smell was so potent that my eyes started swelling and I started wheezing), the other two times I actually ate something, once at school, once at home.
I know my mom was freaked out when I was first diagnosed with my allergy. However my whole family learned really quickly what was safe and what was not. It's sheer habit now to ask what oils they cook with when I or my family are at a new restaurant. There is no need to restrict your children from exploring the world when they have an allergy, just teach them to be careful. Mistakes will be made, teach them how to react. Education is always key. When I was younger, it was harder, because I couldn't read very well. My mom knew the parents of all the kids I played with, though, so she would just alert them that if I stayed for dinner, to please not use any peanut products. No problem! As I got older, I learned to ask what was in different foods, I learned how to educate others on which foods were safe, and I learned how to scrutinize labels. As I learned, my parents didn't have to worry, because I could independently search out foods that were safe for me when I was on my own. If I wasn't sure about something, I often politely declined. That's okay, too. Even still, when I hear there's a "risk" of cross contamination at a new restaurant or bakery I try, I look into it and weigh my decisions. There have been times when I walked out of a restaurant and thanked them for letting me know about their use of peanut products, and other times I went ahead and ate.
If you don't teach your children to do this, who will? What will they do when they go to college? On a mission? A road-trip with friends? If you find out someone has an allergy, just ask them about it. If you want to take them to a restaurant, or have them over for dinner, they'll be happy to tell you what is perfectly fine to do, and what to avoid. In fact they'd prefer it. Then at least they know that it's that much safer to eat with you. I don't expect everyone to remember my allergy. I'm perfectly fine declining food if I deem it unsafe. You won't offend me by offering me a bite of your Baby Ruth, or Snickers, or Peanut Butter Cup. I only ask that you wash your hands real good after eating it while you're around me.
Please, enjoy your peanuts!
Mary
Feel free to leave any questions you may have in the comments!
